Forgettable

Today I saw mom for the last time in this human world.  Mom, thanks for choosing me as your child and the companion you gave me in the past decades. I'm grateful for it because we might not meet again in another life. Mom, I feel there's something lost in me. Do you think I can carry on without it?  Mom ... Mom... Mom... Mom, I'll take care of myself and them.  I don't know which verb goes better with that world. Mom, for the first time, I feel what small avail are words to describe somewhere that's the most beautiful and purest. Mom, today means "love you", right? Mom, I still have so many things that I haven't told you. Mom, rest in peace.

777 999 555 777 666 All the way, giving me spiritual companion.

Today took away my mom. I have no mom from today.

Sunny Monday morning, hiemal mid autumn. A newstand next to the bus stop, some horse behind the small glass, and 2026. The same colour corner, I've seen rabbits, dragons, snakes. They say the older you get, the earlier the first cold day will hit . I'm still confused how age and the natural temperature are aligned. Nevertheless, I love cold days, maybe I'm clinging to the brief safety given by the hood of my coat. Only in shivery days, I long to do something that feels warm, like, hot cocoa (in an ideal life with a huge TV and a couch, the crackling fireplace...), crochet stuff. The red I chose last year is waiting for me to get it done. But I'm not as sure as the moment we discussed the shades of red, about whether the receiver will get it someday or not.  Have I learned to suppress my idealism and my hope to be purely practical from inside out? Hey, have you learned? Should I learn? Necessary to learn?  Horse arrives, so is success.

is waking up at 5:30 in the morning, stuffing the stomach with cold food while standing, closing eyes whilst sipping the hot espresso at 8:08. Survival for the fittest, as they said.

It's a basic right to be silly. Feel free to be silly. Can be silly once, twice, third time, 4th time... But it's too much to bear if I sense stupidity in every sentence. Yet feel free to live a luxury rich silly life, I'm not in, not anymore.

Fate might be Fake. Love it as much as a fate can destinate, but I've gotta say bye.  If it's tiring I don't want it, simple as that. No matter how perfectly it looks according to the law of fate.  My feelings matter as well.