Forgettable

Apart from a festival feast, they sometimes watch some heartwarming movies at the Eves to wrap the year. So in the early morning around 12 a.m., I casually looked for something to watch. Then the word "healing" bumped into my eyes, not just healing, but healed millions of people. Great! Healing is more on topic than love drama at this point of the year, I finally decided to search that movie to watch. I barely watched long movies — more than one hour, for years. My time is always ground into sand, one hour of sitting is a scarcity. Besides, when burnout hit, I had to lay down doing nothing to catch my breath, simply not in the mood to watch anything.  This healing movie is more than two hours. I watched it on my phone in a dark room alone. I paused at 59:59, to close my eyes for a while. My tears started to wash my face, when one third of the movie left. I couldn't stop my tears. I sneezed my nose, through the glimmering phone screen, I saw some dark color on the tissue p...

The best time to get natural expired milk is in summer, just leave a cup of fresh milk on the table overnight. The next day, milk becomes dense yogurt. This yogurt-like stuff is not sour though. Keep the milk on table for another night, it stratifies. Suitable for cottage cheese. Better to use fresh milk to make cottage cheese. Two litter of milk can make very small piece of cheese. If the milk has been sipped, it may not stratify, but grow mold. The taste is bitter. Just pour it to the sink.

Never despise a -20 ℃  degrees Celsius day. Stay outside for less than minutes, the cold penetrates the coat, hat and gloves. When you inhale, you feel it's not the air, but blades in your lungs. You continue staying outside, your eyelashes start to freeze. If your face is not protected by a mask, frostbite will appear on cheeks. Snow stops falling at -20 ℃.  A walk outside is not recommended unless there are many stores along the way, so you can get inside to keep warm from time to time.

Cher Orangeciel, During those two thousand years, I never expected to receive your letter. Maybe I'm used to be ghosted. Yeah I'm used to many things since the collision. You have no idea how merriful I am when I hold the crumble paper in my trembling hands. How long does it usually take for you to process something? I guess that's long, so I leave you there to figure out how to react. I open my arms to all the possible reaction, or no reaction. You vanished since the day you put on the suit and tie, talked like a grown-up, soullessly. I pulled the trigger, probably. I knew, I know. But I love to pretend I don't know anything, so I don't hurt myself, another thousand years of pain? Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself, don't put your emotions in the pathetic position of any other person — something you've tried so hard to teach me. Guess I just want to hear some language I understand when I see the astonishing sunset, say, look so beautiful. Then, som...

I was walking in the snow, thinking about something. I glanced at the cars on the right, then, 888XX on the plate pierced my eyes. Another car next to it was 666. Suddenly, I intuited the myriad audiences above the cylinder.  Later at night, when I walked across the road, a 555XX car passed by. That is, really, everywhere.

“You like it?” “Love it! So huge. Want more and more” Hem hem. HEM. “You like it? I rewrote the first few paragraphs.” I watch you running all the way down the verdant hill to me in a balmy spring afternoon. The scribbled handwriting on the parchment is not dry yet.  “Love it!” I reply. “Can you tell me precisely which part you love?”Your eyes wait for my answer eagerly. “Apparently, she changes her haircut, but he knows it's the same personality that he used to know. I feel happy for him. Meanwhile, I'm a bit sad.” “How come?” “He struggles to ignore the friend-zone signal she sends to him, acting clumsily to demonstrate his ‘you have no idea how much I love you’ to her. I can hear him like ‘No, I don't believe so, it's just an illustration, nothing has changed between us.’ The good thing is she finally uses the word ‘like’ to express her feeling for his real self, directly. I bet even if he dies immediately, he dies without regrets.” “You remember the previous version...

Saturday morning, the tastiest burger. 

When I walked, when I was in the bus, I paid attention to the patterns of their scarfs and hats. 90% of the them were "v" formations. They were walking models for me to imagine if the colour would look good on you. I didn't see the pattern I found online, even the simplest one. Who still makes these stuff by hands? We are all so busy. I'm living like a seventy, without pension.

Coldness was eating me slowly from my feet whilst I sat in a bus stop. I was the only one on the bench, they all stood. Maybe they thought of the possibility of getting frozen feet, not being able to stand up when buses arrived.

“Antarctica.” You replied.  You are the first and the last Antarctican I know. Have you seen penguins there? If not, I want to see them with you. If yes, can you show me where to see them?  Have you been to the South Pole -- where every direction is north? If not, I'd like to go there with you. If yes, how did it feel like?  I love the antarctic frigidness, my inner torridity is always captivated by its stoicism. My Antarctican is my freshing desert rain.

Woke up, not early, gloomy sky. Picked up chunks of moist paper from the floor. Washed the stain on face, brushed teeth. Faucet leaked a few drops. Wiped it with hand. Toilet paper roll is thinner and thinner. I don't want to see spring.

You say, hold your hand, go somewhere nobody knows us.  I take off one mask after another, I see you not. I turn to the galaxy, you must be there, I believe. They wink. They say they are you. I know them not.  Same as that day when you were gone, I finally lost you in the cosmos. But, why I feel the same as that day, that you like me, yes, you do. I don't hold stranger's hand. I'd walk alone, if you are nowhere to be found.

When the temperature outside reaches -16 degrees Celsius, what I inhale is not air but blades piercing my subtropical lungs. 

Water is inclusive and capable of easing the pain, that's why they always did it in the bathtub full of water. There's a key to make sure no surgery can stitch the vessels back to normal -- slice it vertically, not horizontally. I did it wrong, trying to jump out from that tiny window, a cracked forehead can't take it away.

The perfect place to sing out loud is on the bridge. Not in a sunny day, rainy day or windy day, but in a chilly snowy day. No bikes hitting me from behind, no other pedestrians, no sewage splashing on me from the passing-by cars, no wind blowing my hat into the river. Only me and the goose-feather-like snow. The bridge is long enough for me to sing the same song under the KN95 mask for three times. I use all my strength to sing as loudly as I can. Nobody can hear me anyway. I have to pause many times to catch my breath under the mask. With the noisy road and thick mask, even my phone can't hear what I sang, not to mention the cars beside me. “To see how the heavy snow ages.” “If you sees me, please turn around before you are shocked. I'm afraid my my tears my white hair look like a shameful joke.” The sun hears my awful singing, swiftly pulls a piece of cloud to cover its head. But the snow never stops falling. 

As per my own experience, I was not born with the inner voice. I acquired it in the earliest year of adolescence, I chose to desert it before I reach the first "-ty" in my life. Those were the happiest years in my life without inner voice talking to me all the time. I was quite extroverted and sociable, if I wanted to do anything, I'd just do it. How did I get the inner voice? By massive reading and learning, as far as I can remember. At the moment I heard the inner voice, I started to look at the world I was in differently. I thought about lots of things. Somehow I converted into an introvert. I felt nobody was interested in what I want to talk about. I did not want to talk about what they were into either. So there was only me and the deafening inner voice for years. I knew I reached the limit that year, so I inhabited the inner voice, trying to look at the world as it was, without any thoughts. Let it be, let it be... I didn't even fight back if I was kicked. Here ...