Stifled

That was the day I was closest to the death, more precisely, the feeling of death. 

That was not a big surgery, so after laying in bed for one day or two, the urinary catheter was removed, all patients were required to stand up to walk regardless of the 20cm freshly stitched wound. I put my feet outside the bed, I tried to stand up, then my breath was blocked sharply, as if a button was pressed to turn off the respiratory function. I tried to stand again, at the moment my feet touched the floor, I couldn't breathe, so I had to lay back to bed to wait one more day. I didn't call the nurse there, I thought it was normal after surgery. I forgot when I could stand up. Even if I stood up, I could merely move like a toddler due to the constant sharp pain from the wound. I mentioned it to the doctor who went to check us every day, they examined me for two days to figure out the root of the problem -- my big heart. 

Thanks to the rehearsal, I can know how it is going to feel like. Maybe it will happen very fast that I don't even have time to feel anything.