In My Past Now Future

Cher Orangeciel,

During those two thousand years, I never expected to receive your letter. Maybe I'm used to be ghosted. Yeah I'm used to many things since the collision. You have no idea how merriful I am when I hold the crumble paper in my trembling hands.

How long does it usually take for you to process something? I guess that's long, so I leave you there to figure out how to react. I open my arms to all the possible reaction, or no reaction.

You vanished since the day you put on the suit and tie, talked like a grown-up, soullessly. I pulled the trigger, probably. I knew, I know. But I love to pretend I don't know anything, so I don't hurt myself, another thousand years of pain? Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself, don't put your emotions in the pathetic position of any other person — something you've tried so hard to teach me. Guess I just want to hear some language I understand when I see the astonishing sunset, say, look so beautiful. Then, something like, yeah, so beautiful. 

Did I ask for too much? Yeah, can't accept the fact there is only me, no one else. 

Stardust of collision sealed the cystal pearlescent orange, chocked you. This piece of cloud is professional dust-wiper, with drenching rainfall. However the sky is too crowded to spare some spot for the cloud to rain. 

All I can remember are the joyful smiles in their faces, the last time I saw them. They must feel relief and solace without me being around. So are you, I bet. 

GO BACK TO WHERE YOU WERE FROM! GO BACK... I kept hearing it again, lingering around as if I could be so important that they can't live without me.

Same, same again. You asked if I wanted to be alone. Nope. But nobody can carry the misery in me, the aftermath of collision, just no one can. I don't want to hurt anyone, so I curl myself into the shell. Declare to the world I love it so much. 

Thanks for watching me antics from above.

Lune Rouge