Upgraded Melancholy

No tears, no stillness with eyes fixing at one spot for extremely long time, no more slowly retreating-world from the eyes, even bad thoughts can't last for more than few minutes, no more the feeling of everyday is the same and nothing to expect, no more seeing zero value in everything ongoing.

Nevertheless.

It has not gone, it parasites in smiles, laughs, in the best sides of things you can think of, in the happiest day you conclude at the end of the day. In the same flowers you see at the same time of the year like before, in the chilly August evening, in the morning sunlight caressing the lime green brushes. It stuffs in every quite second between the movements, like the freezing cold air, lurking in the north, waiting for its chance to strike the whole continent.

For me, the actual pain/burnt-out in my body is the only cure to the pain in my mind, when I'm so weary that I fall asleep right after a cup of super bitter coffee, that's the moment it can't find a place in my mind, the solace resides in my unconsciousness.

Comments

Can't Hold Back

My Tears. I gotta cry, now. How many times? How many times have I told you to not cry when you thought of him? Look what you've done today! I warned you to hold back the urge to drop that broken pearl necklace from your eyes. Look what you're doing now! Crying your fucking heart out the same as that day in the city where you two met? You're not even in that town now! 10000km away from where you met. 188438400 seconds have passed since that day! Allow me cry for ten minutes please, then, I can continue to numb my mind by the endless trivialities. Physical pain is the cure to that invisible yet so much more painful chat in my mind.

Blue vs Red

Two officially compatible colors are running at your town. Who will win? The blue me or red you? The answer is easy—the one who loves more will win. We love each other equally. The universe saw it. But what I'm loving? There's nothing there now, not a single word. The fact you enjoy being a stranger to me us is a hard fact I've learned to accept.

Aroma

At night, the aroma of Mama's food still lingered the air in the house, as if mom just cooked us a delicious meal as those countless old days. I waited for mom's call from the kitchen to ask us to eat, but no sound. I kept the light on as usual, I wrapped myself in the cotton blanket, I closed my eyes. "Mama", I whispered. I was long for mung bean pastry, a snack I loved since the first time I ate. So I decided to make it from scratch. One important ingredient is the lard. I noticed a bowl of fatty meat in the freezer for a while. So I took it out, defrost it. When it was boiling in the water, a lot of garlic gloves and dried shrimps were separated into the water. The images of mom peeling garlic and adding spices to the meat flashed in my mind, I held the spatula to stir the meat, so that my tears wouldn't drop. Then a familiar aroma of Mama's food drifted in the kitchen. I thought of the days mom cooking in the kitchen, I breathed deeply, I felt safe in th...

Forgettable

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